Fighting My DNA

Due to the DNA passed down to me by my parents my life is a constant struggle against anger and possible future alcoholism.

Alcoholism is something I've only recently started to worry about, but anger is has always been there (and it all honesty will always be.) It has destroyed relationships in nearly every area of my life. Girlfriends, friends, family, business; they've all suffered in some way because of it. They may not have been direct targets of my anger, but aftermath it took on my mental health has effected them all.

It sounds cliche, but it really did used to control my life. Those who knew me constantly had to tip toe around like, being careful not to set it off. If they did, holy shit, look out. I used to snap at anything and everything. The amount of anger displayed would often be in no way proportionate to the action that created it. I've lost many great relationships because of it. A few I miss much more then others, but thats another post for another day.

When I moved back to Riverside (another decision made by my anger) I was forced to confront it by my solitude. They only thing I really had to do all day was look inward and see what an asshole I was. When I did, I saw the anger wasn't originating from inside me. I learned to use anger to deal with situations from my father. But I didn't not use that as an excuse, as a crutch.
Being an adult meant that was no longer an option. It's time to fix it, or live the rest of my life alone. The change did not happen quick, hell I still learn things about myself everyday but it's happening.

The James that people knew in Oxnard has died. Well that's no entirely true. He's still here, just slowly but surely killing off a demon that kept the rest of him from living an enjoyable life.

Only just recently has it become apparent to me that I am making progress. The series of events that has happened within the last month proved it. Old James would have done something really stupid and probably be sitting in jail right now. But I'm not. I am here with you guys now blogging. That's not my only demon though. One is trying desperately to rear it's ugly head...

I really should be an alcoholic. It's another fucking trait my father so graciously passed down to his offspring. I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm not. Whether I am at home witnessing my father drink or out with friends who admit they are functioning alcoholics, I am always surrounded by it.

Well maybe it's because I get to witness it as a third party, and see how it affects other lives. But on the other hand I saw how my fathers anger affected the family and that did not stop me from going Hulk on everyone. Maybe for me, alcohol and anger a linked. Since I'm working on my anger issues, maybe at the same time I'm taking out the trait that causes it.

Who knows really. I just know that I'm really enjoying life a lot more now that I'm not as angry. Hopefully by doing that I've eliminated whatever would have caused me to become a drinker.

Mandatory Immigration Blog Post

No, fuck you for thinking I'm actually going to waste my time writing on this issue. There are fucktards on both sides of the proverbial fence and nothing is ever going to get done. Anyone that knows me, knows where I stand on this issue. So instead of my thoughts on immigration, I give you hilarious cat photos.

Linkin Park - Minutes to Midnight

God damn it I hate to admit this ... but I really like the new Linkin Park album.

There I said it. Isn't one of the first steps to recovery admitting you have a problem?

Fuck.

Folding @ Home

For my debut blog, I have decided not to go with a generic "Hey my name's blah blah blah, and I live in the bleh. Come, read my blog. Hehe, that's short for web log!" post. No, instead I have chosen to enlighten those who may be ignorant to a little something called Folding@Home.


It is quite an amazing thing that everyone with a computer should be running. No doubt you can see, plain as day, it is a distributed computing project run by the great minds over at Stanford.

Well Jaymz, I have a question already. What in the flying poop is distributed computing? I'll let wikipedia answer that for you.

Distributed computing is a method of computer processing in which different parts of a program run simultaneously on two or more computers that are communicating with each other over a network.

Basically if you put enough computer together working toward the same goal, they make one huge supercomputer.

OK, so what is F@H doing with this tremendous power? Quick answer, it is folding proteins. Yea, I didn't pay much attention in biology either, so here is a quick rundown straight from the horses mouth.

What is protein folding and how is folding linked to disease? Proteins are biology's workhorses -- its "nanomachines." Before proteins can carry out these important functions, they assemble themselves, or "fold." The process of protein folding, while critical and fundamental to virtually all of biology, in many ways remains a mystery.

Moreover, when proteins do not fold correctly (i.e. "misfold"), there can be serious consequences, including many well known diseases, such as Alzheimer's, Mad Cow (BSE), CJD, ALS, Huntington's, Parkinson's disease, and many Cancers and cancer-related syndromes.

You can help by simply running a piece of software. Folding@Home is a distributed computing project -- people from through out the world download and run software to band together to make one of the largest supercomputers in the world. Every computer makes the project closer to our goals.

Folding@Home uses novel computational methods coupled to distributed computing, to simulate problems thousands to millions of times more challenging than previously achieved.

Well there you go. Run their software and you will cure cancer ... OK not entirely true. But you will be contributing to the greater good. So if you've got a computer, you really should be running this program.

You can also team up with fellow folders and work your way up the rankings. I fold with a bunch of people from one of my favorite sites Penny Arcade, and we are known as the Folding Arcadians (Team 54717). It's a great group of people, and we chat and have fun while we kick cancer's ass on our way TO THE MOON!!!!!

So there you have it people. Probably the quickest (read: sloppiest) rundown of F@H EVER. But I hope at the very least I have inspired a few of my friends to join us folders on this journey.